The trip home from work...

Hi All,

Afraid I shall be leaving you on tenterhooks as regards whether I bought the Rival Schools LP on CD or digital for a little bit longer. I have something quite strange and not all that pleasant to write about: my trip home from work...

I got on the 88 from outside work at about 1730 and noticed that there was a chap talking to a young woman I assumed he didn't know. He asked her 'so where are you from', and they were talking in what seemed a pretty normal way. In short, it was all seemingly pleasant and nice enough. I thought to myself at the time that it was an interesting approach to flirtation or meeting new people, but hey, fair play, no harm in talking to someone, is there. So the bus gets onto Parliament Square and Dare by the Gorillaz comes on shuffle and I'm catching up on Twitter as is my normal routine on the way home, so far, so ordinary... and then...

Gradually louder voices from in front of me... and it sounds very much like the young lady is not appreciating the attention she is getting from the bloke who was talking to her earlier. So I turn my music down and start to listen in, by which point she is saying 'I don't even know you', 'get off of me' and 'I can't even understand you'... not good, eh... Now at this point I may have been being a bit slow, and shamefully the question 'should I do anything' comes into my head and I am weighing this all up, before the woman to my left says to the lady in front: "Are you alright?" and her reply is "I think I am being harassed", and another woman says "You can come and sit down here". But the woman can't go anywhere... I'm taking my headphones out at this point and putting my phone away, and I look more closely and this chap is talking to her in a low voice, and seems to have her hand or wrist in one of his hands, with the other hand, somewhere near her right knee. He's been propositioning and perhaps intimately touching a woman he doesn't know. He is basically sexually harassing her, keeping her trapped in a window seat and not letting her get away or move.

Now I reacted as quickly as I could when it was clear he wasn't going to move, I tried to play it all calm, and I put my hand on his shoulder (fairly firmly, I guess) and said 'excuse me mate, can you let the lady up to go and sit somewhere else?' Polite, but firm, yeah? Nothing too strong, he has a simple out and can save a bit of face. If he lets her out, calls me a wanker and shuts up, things have been resolved in a just-about bearable way. Does he do that? No.... the next few seconds went something like this (contains swearing!):

Chap: "Sit down you fucking pussy. Sit down before I smash your fucking glasses into your fucking face. Fucking pussy."

We're evidently dealing with one of London's most refined and charming gentlemen, aren't we...
I am in the back right corner of the bus, one of the other young female passengers is in the back left corner, and the chap in question is now blocking both of our exits, as well as keeping the lady next to the window. What's more, it's at this point I realise that sum total of the other people on the bottom floor of the bus are two other young women (I guess mid thirties) and two other ladies in their late 50's/ early 60's. I'm dealing with this on my own, clearly.

Levin: "Just let the lady go and sit somewhere else and there's no problem, is there mate?"
Chap: "Fuck you. Sit down. Sit down. Last Chance. Sit down you fucking pussy. I smash your face. Sit down."

I stay stood up (#MACHO MACHO MAN, #I NEED A HERO, etc...). Arms by my sides, palms flat and open. Very clear body language saying that I don't want a fight; your move, buddy. Chappy moves towards me, jolts his torso forward as if to swing at me and stops (a good couple of feet away from me). "You pussy. Sit down. I smash your face. Sit down". My heart is pumping, big adrenaline hit. This is the scary bit. Ancient and hard-wired biological reactions are at play.

I stay stood up. More eye contact. The woman he had never met who he was feeling up on a bus at 1735 on a Friday evening manages to get past him and walk towards the driver.

Levin: "Driver! Driver!"
Chap: "Driver, driver, whats the going to do you fucking pussy!?!?"

We reach a bus stop. The lady starts talking to the driver. He's bound to stop the bus, right? The last thing he'll do is just let her get off and leave what looks (and sounds) very much like a just-about-to-occur punch-up to occur, yeah? No. That's exactly what he does. Chappy is giving it more lip, but now he has moved towards the middle of the bus and there is a chance for the other women on the bus to get away from him, and for me to move near an exit. But I'm not stupid. I'm not turning my back to him. He fronts up to me and starts giving it all the verbals again, mixed in with the jolt-towards-me-as-if-he's-about-to-hit-me malarkey. Nice, eh.

Chap: "You fucking acne face. Sit down you fuck. Fuck you. Pussy"
(For the record. I don't have and never have had acne. I pride myself on my skincare regime. Anyhow, this chap is clearly not only a first class dick, he's also not very observant.)
Levin: "Can you just let me past, mate?"
Chap: "Fat fuck. Fuck you. Pussy. Give me something. Now."
(He's gesturing to my iPhone)
Levin: Fuck off.

At this point, after basically five minutes of this, by which point I have four women lined up behind me so they are out of his way (none of them spoke to the driver though, thanks ladies) and I am just about to come to my stop. I stare at him, the bus stops. Two of the ladies get off behind me, and I back away... and step off the bus.

Right now, not even three hours after it, it just seems so surreal. I am being sarcastic about it and adding a few (half-arsed) jokes into this blog, all of which completely betrays the fact that it was scary as hell. I really, genuinely, thought I was going to end up in a fist fight on a bus. The last fight I had was when I was 8. This guy was fucking mental. He was half my size, and (not trying to be a dick about it or brag) I would have fancied my chances... but bloody hell... what in Dawkins' name was that all about. What an insane, deranged, sick, disjointed guy.

I have all sorts of feelings going on after the event. I have been having to manage my breathing on and off since it happened to control the effects of the adrenaline. It was scary. I know I did the right thing. What else could I do. As a big brother to a little sister, I still remember having to elbow and shoulder barge men with wandering hands at gigs when my sister and her friends were young and in the mosh pit. Men can be fucking idiots.

I had to get involved and stop him, he wasn't going to leave her alone. When I got home and relayed the story to my wife this evening, she said that because of me there is one woman who got home tonight with more faith in human nature. That's a result in anyone's book, I guess. But I am feeling a bit shaken and stressed and angry. Angry that other people didn't talk to the driver. Angry that the driver didn't stop or call the Transport Police. Angry that, after I got off that bus, there were other people in that space with him. Angry that he might well hit on or start touching up the next young woman who got on the bus a few stops down the line.

This kind of experience brings out the Daily Mail in you, the fear, the anger, the frustration and all sorts of other unpleasant feelings you normal never deal with in a day. I can't remember ever feeling like I would smack someone in the mouth given the chance... right now, part of me kinda wishes I could have a free swing our idiotic protagonist. But I am a (relatively) rational person, I've been commuting to London for about ten years now, so lets call that a total of 4,000 journeys, on average in enclosed spaces with 20 people, so that's 80,000 people - only one of them has been an absolute idiot. In other words. This sort of thing doesn't happen every day. It's just all a bit raw and odd and, well.. what would you have done... answers below!

Enough for now while I process this a bit more and have another shot of bourbon ;-)

Onwards!

Levin

PS - I bought Rival Schools and Elbow on CD. I will put a post on my 'Principles for CD/ Digital purchasing' in a future post that I can guarantee will feature less of me describing how someone spent an age calling me a pussy.